Understanding the basic structure of an essay and learning about the strategies that can make it sound convincing and convey the intended message is particularly helpful for training communication skills. An essay titled “Cell Phones in Classrooms” will be a perfect candidate for the analysis of how an argument can be improved and made palatable. Although the general idea behind the author’s argument is quite clear, the thesis statement lacks the ability to be argued against, as well as the precision needed to purport an idea.
The thesis statement in the essay is clear, yet it lacks the forcefulness that could make it an important argument regarding the use of cell phones. As a result, even though the rest of the essay is organized well, it fails to impress the reader since the initial arguing point is not presented in a manner that will spark a debate.
One should give the writer credit for structuring the paper quite effectively and coherently. Namely, the paragraphs are organized well and connected in a cadence of reasonable and logical arguments. However, the lack of a proper thesis statement makes the essay look inconsistent and lacks an impact, which ultimately reduces the value of the point that the author is trying to make. Suggesting improvements, one might want to add an opposing viewpoint to the thesis statement (Coleman, 2019). For instance, it could represent the idea that, despite being distracting and possibly used for cheating, cell phones provide an opportunity for parents to contact a child in case of an emergency, which is why cell phones should be allowed in class.
Therefore, despite being easily understandable and rational, the thesis statement in the essay is quite weak and lacks the argument potential, which makes the rest of the essay significantly less important. As a result, while being written well and containing neither grammatical nor stylistic errors, the essay in question cannot be deemed excellent.
Reference
Coleman, H. (2019). Polish Your Academic Writing. SAGE.